Somewhat true, slightly insightful, mostly hilarious quick thoughts and observations I've had about life in Germany! This is
I. NEVER Shake a bottle of water before opening it in Germany! Seriously!
II. Dates are written: D/M/Y not M/D/Y like they are in The States, which can cause a lot of confusion about expiration dates in the refrigerator or pantry.
III. In Berlin, people don't look down to avoid making eye contact, they look down to avoid stepping in dog poop! If someone on the street who avoids eye contact starts laughing, best you check your shoes immediately.
IV. I don't understand why public toilets are rare in a country where butter, cream and sausage are served by the kilo!
V. If you accidentally step over the line into the bicycle lane, you might get kicked, yelled at and run over! But, only if the bicycle rider is in a good mood and decides to be nice about your infraction!
VI. NEVER ask for an Aftershave, Aftershave Lotion, or any other other phrase containing the word: After! The "end result" will not be what you expect...
VII. A proper German can make due without mineral water, sausages or even toilet paper... But, run out of Potatoes and the situation become a crises!
VIII. The difference between German Toilet Paper and Sand Paper is: Eventually, Sand Paper wears down!
IX. Beer is not only cheaper than water, it's also cheaper than rain!
X. NEVER leave the house without at least a few Euros in change! It's easier to get a free lunch in America than it is to find a free public toilet in Germany!
XI. DO NOT call your friends during Tatort!
XII. If there is a way to figure out how to make bureaucracy and paperwork more confusing, difficult and impossible to understand, a local government office will discover it!
XIII. If, while in a meeting, someone pulls out a chart, that explains a graph, that simplifies a timetable to elaborate on a schedule pertaining to when and where the next meeting will be held, you are probably in Germany.
IXX. Most Germans don't use their real names on Facebook but use some random combination of their first and last name, or something so completely confusing that they're almost impossible to find without special consent and security clearances.
XX. No matter how "cool" the dance party is, Germans will still sing along like crazy if you play something recognizable by Udo Jurgens or David Hasselhoff! (Lame as it sounds, it's true...)